What Women of Loss Want

I once saw this list of fifteen or so things that women who have experienced a loss want other people to know. Many of the things on the list were very true for me, but some didn't really apply, so it doesn't make much sense to share the list. But there was one thing on the list that is very very true. It went a little something like this...

I want you to know that I'm going to mention my loss...like not infrequently. And when I do, I don't want you to get all quiet or uncomfortable, and it doesn't need to be this moment where everyone looks at me like I'm broken. I had a miscarriage. We lost our baby. It happens. We're sad about it, but we're all going to be okay. At the end of the day, it's another moment in my life and to never talk about or reference it is to pretend like it's something shameful...which it isn't. So when I bring it up, it's okay to treat it like you would anything else I say. And it's okay for you to bring it up. You're part of my life and you went through it, too. We can talk about it. We need to talk about it. Sometimes we might even need to joke about it. I don't want to brush it under the rug.