I was the WORST person when we were trying to conceive the first time around. I scrutinized literally every twitch of a muscle in my body; I was on webmd more than I was on my own email. I was that crazy (and wasteful) woman who took pregnancy tests like four days before her period was due and tracked every symptom in her iPhone. Wanna know the dates and times of every sexual experience I've had in the last ten months? Sadly, thanks to my terrifying personal shortcomings (crippling anxiety and a manic need to control), I could tell you.
It's all starting again, but at least I have more of a sense of humor about my own psychosis this time around. Am I going to be more relaxed about any of this? Heck no. Those who know me know that's not possible, and I hate when people give me advice like "just relax". Gee...why didn't I think of that? It's not possible. It wasn't possible when I was 7 and doing my math homework; it's certainly not going to be possible when I'm 28 and making a baby. But at least I can laugh about my neurosis, and that's something.
So anyway, it's back to Googling random phrases like "early pregnancy symptoms" on my iPhone at stop lights. It's back to routinely pushing against my chest to see if it's "sore". And it's back to keeping clear blue easy in business. Here's to hoping this round is a little more direct...and hopefully more fruitful. But at least until my aunt flo decides to visit it's not really at the top of my mind at all times.
You're welcome for the TMI, by the way.
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